We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
