I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
