**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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