And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
