I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
