so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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