my mouth tastes like poor choices
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
