A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
