Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
