She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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