I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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