Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
smell my finger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
