he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
