Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
