I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize