How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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