Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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