I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
