I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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