dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize