Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
