I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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