So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
