I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
