i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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