Ambien. No doubt about it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
