theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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