is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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