There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
