he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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