just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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