we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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