You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
