Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
