Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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