I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
