dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
