there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
