hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
