I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
