I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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