You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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