its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
