the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There's always time for handjobs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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