i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
