I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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