i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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