a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Someone signed my nipple.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
