becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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