I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize