guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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