the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
