he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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