1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
