Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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