So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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