Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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