just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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