I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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