I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
