My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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