I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize