she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
