My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
