That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
