I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
