Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think people are normalizing furries
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
