Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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