Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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