I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
bring money and cleavage
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
