you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
