I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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