Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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