if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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