Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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