But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
