We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
