You're my little dorito
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
