I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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