just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
