I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
