ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize