Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
well you can't waste a boner
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
