he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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