dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Acid is not a monday night drug
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
