Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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