i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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