If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your dad touched me again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize