dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
