slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
