think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
