The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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