Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize