dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
