yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
