I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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