i love accidental penises.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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