Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
