I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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