make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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