Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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