She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
